Don’t let others kill your self-esteem, motivate, or spoil your mood.
- Sofa critics.
They always know exactly how others should live, build relationships, raise children, make money, or run a business. They are the best versed in literature, music, painting and can easily create a masterpiece. In politics and psychology, they are, of course, also experts – with them, such an outrage would certainly not have happened.
Sofa critics are willing to share their valuable opinions on any issue with those around them. And it doesn’t matter that, in fact, no one asked them, that they have no children, they cannot draw, they earn little, and the relationship ended in divorce. However, if you point this out to a person, he will answer that “he just expresses his opinion.”
All this is clear from the outside. But when a person is in a situation, he can be very vulnerable to shameless and unconstructive criticism, especially if it comes not from an anonymous person on the Internet but from a friend or relative. Remarks and skepticism can severely clip wings.
At the same time, competent feedback, which will be useful for your development, should be benevolent, reasoned, and constructive. That is, indicate not only the growth zones but also the merits, as well as suggest ideas for correcting shortcomings. And it should also come from a person who is well versed in the matter. And if someone criticizes you without following these principles, their opinion can be disregarded.
2. Drama lovers.
It seems that their life resembles a famously twisted series, where the main character falls into the abyss of passion, sheds bitter tears because of a broken heart, wanders in love triangles, and unravels the intrigues of enemies. And the drama lover, of course, plays a major role in this story. But someone else’s life against the background of all these fascinating twists and turns looks impossibly dull and boring, not worth attention.
Such people always pull the blanket over themselves, discuss their problems, but they treat strangers without much interest, do not eager to listen and support. They can involve others in their drama, portray them as villains, and play themselves as victims, play with feelings.
As a result, a person next to such a “star” feels insignificant and uninteresting, spends a lot of time and emotions on it, and gets nothing in return. And this does not affect self-esteem in the best way.
Experts believe that sometimes drama lovers do this because of childhood trauma or borderline personality disorder. Therefore, if you live with such a person, suggest that he see a psychotherapist. And if this is someone from your distant acquaintances or colleagues, the best tactic would be to cut down on communication or not take this whole theater seriously.
They, like the sofa critics, know everything about everything. Only the goal is different – to crush the interlocutor with your knowledge and assert yourself at his expense. Whatever you talk about, the know-it-all will cut you off in mid-sentence; he will “climb onto the podium” and will broadcast from there with the air of an expert.
Recently, one such “expert” began to be clever on Facebook: he told a girl that she thoughtlessly reposted an article about nuclear weapons tests, but she herself did not understand the issue. It turned out that his interlocutor is a journalist, and this is her article, and the know-it-all with his ridiculous comment became famous on Twitter and on BuzzFeed.
Alas, not all stories like this end in fun. Often, such clever people make us doubt our competence, do not allow us to express our ideas and thoughts. If you cannot distance yourself from such a person, you will have to be patient and explain to him that he does not behave quite correctly, and you do not like it.
4. Ulcers and cynics.
They are adept at devaluing your achievements, ideas, and feelings. Whatever you share with them, they will get skepticism, sarcasm, and self-affirmation in return.
– I changed the car!
– Great. Is it second-hand? Why isn’t it new?
As a result, you feel vulnerable, weak, and miserable, as if your emotions and victories are just zilch. You are forced to make excuses and involuntarily compare yourself with others – and the comparison is not in your favor.
The ability to praise yourself and appreciate your achievements is very important in order to move on, be confident in your abilities, and feel good. And people who devalue you need to explain that this is unpleasant for you. And if they continue to behave like this, reduce communication with them.
“A new haircut doesn’t suit you. It was better before. Why are you offended? I do care about you! “Under the sauce, “I just say everything as it is,” these advocates of truth criticize someone else’s appearance and actions, climb with unsolicited advice and simply overwhelm other people with poorly disguised insults. They care little about your feelings and sometimes quite sincerely believe that they are doing a good deed, are proud of their straightforwardness, refuse to notice that such honesty without asking is already rudeness and a violation of boundaries.
Such attacks can be very upsetting, knock the ground out from under your feet, make you feel like a stupid, ugly, and incompetent person. Psychologists advise building boundaries in relations with truth-tellers: to object to them, to stop the conversation, to change the topic. And if all this does not help, stay away.
It is only natural to talk about your successes and achievements. This is one of the options to celebrate the victory, praise yourself, be inspired for further deeds. But there are those who boast incessantly, and they do it in an arrogant, demeaning manner. The main message of their statements is as follows: “Look, what a fellow I am, and whoever is not like me is just a loser and is trying badly.”
In the story about successful weight loss, there will certainly be injections to those who eat a lot, do not go in for sports, and “run themselves”. A post about your own business or career success will not be complete without mentioning whiners who only complain about life and do not want to work on themselves.
Bouncers love to criticize, give advice from the height of their experience, devalue other people’s problems. Reading and listening to all of this can be difficult: such statements make others compare themselves to the braggart and become discouraged. If this is your case, it is better to filter such people: reduce communication, change the topic of conversation, ask to be more correct in statements.